Hi. Heres my no point & wasting work time talk. So I'm writing a xanga entry. That goes without saying.  But I look around me- I'm sitting in this comfortable chair in my own office. It has my name on a nice little tag on the door, to make sure people know where to find me.  Inside I have my own computer, desk, phone line.  It's air conditioned; I bet heat won't be a problem when it's cold.  Our floor secretory just came by to give me my paycheck. I park in the parking garage with all the other employees and ride the elevator to this top floor where I never thought I'd be anytime soon..  This whole place has exactly 3 people under 30. I'm one of them. I've been seeing, meeting, and talking to adults who treat me like one.. and I feel like I've been given a new prospective of this world. Am I just getting old? maybe.  But do you have one single adult around you who will talk to you and treat you as an equal?  Do you really, honestly have one? 

And it's funny.  As i talk to them, the adults that we're all working to become, I feel like everything is so over rated.. this world. They still worry mostly about themselves. They still joke about f*^%'ing each other's moms. They still talk about whatever they are crazy about.. golf, their house, their car.  They still talk about girls. Some people deserve the pay they get; some people slack around all day and get the same money.  Some poeple still (for some reason) have bad luck and always get caught doing something stupid. Some people don't even work hard but are somehow liked by everyone. Managers and bosses.. they're still a-holes. 

All the people's lives that I have somehow been touched by make me something new. Those people you thought you could never be.. they're actually only one step away from you. So maybe those all-in-your-mind things people talk about have really been just that.. all in my mind. Those people you always looked up to, they have the same problems as you. Those people who you always thought were so popular back in high school.. you come to find out they weren't really all that.  That lucky bastard who always got the hot girlfriend.. you come to find out they were actually more scared than anyone to talk to any girl. Those who you were scared to talk to... they were actually scared of you too. Those who are going to harvard, yale.. the best school you can think of.. they procrastinate on that stupid project just like you and think.. "how the heck am i gonna go harvard?". They're still scared. Those you thought they were so famous, those people you saw on tv, you find that they get genuinely happy when you tell them that they are good singers and you like their songs....

But it's not really only "good" things that come to mind. You can also become the worst person you never thought you'd be. And that can be something so small to something so big.. You remember thinking that smoking is so bad. You told yourself you would NEVER do it.. but you somehow find yourself smoking now. You thought you would never drink but you are drinking- everyone is doing it so it can't be THAT bad. Can it? You hang out with your friends, they are doing coke.  Why not, just one try.. Next thing you know and you are a coke addict. One second you're sure it could never happen to you and the next second you are worried that you got your girlfriend pregnent.  You wonder how the heck you got there. You thought you would never even think about killing yourself.. but you find yourself in a moment when you really just want to die..  You thought you would never stoop that low but there you are, talking s*** behind someone's back. You thought u would never be gay but now........ You thought you would never become self centered, selfish.. but you look back and you have been that selfish a-hole you thought you'd never become. "I just need money" and you happen to start selling drugs..  start stealing stuff. You were only gonna hurt someone and you accidentally kill them. Late at night you find yourself running away from police. And yeah, you know you got yourself here but you wonder how.

Everything you never thought you would be.. it's only a split second for YOU to become all that. And yes.. Y.O.U.  I feel like the moment you look down on someone is the moment you become lower than they are. and it's the worst thing you can do. You are no better than your friend who comes to school high all the time. You are no better than a person who got arrested from school for selling drugs. And yes, you are not even better than the homeless guy who begs for money around OSU campus.  You are no better than anyone who goes to a worse school, who has a worse job, who was born in the wrong family, who grew up the wrong way, who had the wrong friends. Because you will never know what you would have become had you been in their shoes... you know?   That homeless guy.. he could have really become "someone" had he been born as you. Someone smarter, richer, "better"... than you.  I've realized that we are all so fake in a away.. trying to become someone better than who we are, trying to become someone we're not.

And the only thing that is absolutely real in this world is love. And the only time you can be the person you really are is when you are with someone whom you truly love. Whether that be your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your best friend, your true friends. And yeah.. if you don't know who those people are... you should find them fast. Life is not that simple.. and you'll need them.